nightowl

my affinity for the night is a personal issue.
the reason i want to sleep during daylight is that it represents
responsibility. perhaps daylight symbolizes life. something i avoid.
that can't be true though for death is probably my greatest fear.
i think i'm onto something here.
not sure what.

remember the good old days?
me too.
do you like the bad new days?
me either.
neither?

OK.
I'm alright if anyone is wondering.
Just being a web hermit.
Which means I'm normal in my day-to-day life.
Just not into vanity scribblings as of late.
Been busy. With the upcoming Xmas break I'm
sure to come out of my shell again.
Nothing really new except the beard trimmer.
I may sing a song for an Xmas CD.

i bought pants there.
2 pair.
and underwear and socks.

on nov 7th i went to NYC.
lucked out and saw letterman show.
bought clothes.
had fun with kreber and clam.
went down to pureed nought twice.
the flight there and back was awesome.
had to come in straight to work early.
was very tired.

two weeks ago i started smoking.
saddening.
it had been five years.
maddening.

i sold my AFI tickets for 2wice what i paid for them.

* * *

last night i thought i heard the man on the tv says tummybirds.
now... i don't know about you, but i ain't never heard of tummybirds.
and he didn't even say that.
said something completely different and unrelated.
but i thought it would be a good replacement word for when you is nervous like.
like when you tell people you have bitter fries in your stomach.

peptalk abyssmal

seen some really good films.
until today. some really disappointing Canadian shorts.
its enough to make one apoplectic thinking these were even
considered nevermind programmed.

Sokurov screenings sold-out.
cannot figure if those is a good thing or not.

ZeD launches tomorrow.

i hate film snobs.
i do not hate myself.
i am a film snob.
apparently.

i was being dramatic.
i have forgiven all my sins.

weird days. some good. some not. i did a Brian Wilson yesterday.
saw The Raveonettes tonight. they remind me of Jesus and Mary Chain and
My Bloody Valentine a bit. And a bit of Roxette and of course stellastar,
who opened. The tie-in between JMC and Brian Wilson wasn't deliberate.
Genius though.

John McLaughlin last thursday was excellent. even though i was
preoccupied with the thought it was costing me nearly a dollar a minute.
it was worth it. nice to witness bliss. zakir hussain pronounced it McLau-f-in.

Finally saw Distant (Uzak). l love this film and others like it. Roger Ebert said something
to the effect there's too many films with middle-aged guys with moustaches smoking
and thinking and smoking that end on a long take about nothing. its true, i agree.
i wish i could hyperlink to the quote but i cannae find it. anyway i agree with him
but i like those films. he's referring to the Kiarostami's and Angelopoulos' and their
contemporaries. the best directors of these times. film to me, is the second best
way to experience culture.

i am saddened that i cannot see as many VIFF films as i have in past years. I treasured
my volunteer pass and the forty or so films i could manage. i hate film snobs.

i hate myself.

need to change that.

so i have finally seen some taviani films.
its been worth the wait.

works going okay. i guess.
long story.

looking forward to VIFF.
my program guide is nice and marked up.

everybody loves a dog with a cone on its head,
beside the white plums,
so delicate, so svelte,
grazed by light lime water.

i wish i could post here while i'm biking to work
before my thoughts dissipate and my mind
is filled with boring, useless crap.

i need advice

ok, so swinkylass sends me this following email.
if i knew how to make comments
on me blog thing i'd be able to ask all you
out there in vacuumland for input.

ya'll have any interest in seeing any of the following?
I'd be up for seeing any/all. Not sure of if all tickets
will be comps though.

the walkmen -- sept 18 -- richards
mogwai -- sept 26 -- commodore
manitoba -- sept 26 -- sonar
the kills -- sept 27 -- richards
raveonettes -- sept 28 -- richards
jets/kings of leon -- sept 30 -- richards
brmc/stratford 4 -- october 5 -- commodore
my morning jacket -- october 8 -- richards
calla -- october 14 -- sonar
grandaddy/starlight mints -- october 16 -- commodore
peaches -- october 21 -- richards
prefuse 73/four tet -- october 24 -- richards
broadcast -- october 30 -- richards
beulah/john vanderslice -- october 31 -- tbc

From Buses and Starlight

alone at the window an old face stays
barely able to move let alone breathe
and the stains on the counters keep the roaches at bay
turning, there sparkles the carpet alive with chirping of fleas
and the bristle of static as the gasplug ignites
makes folks on the horizon look out in the night.

hugh hefner in drag
pulls on a fag and calls him
mr. hugh janus

* * *

wholey shit
summer's over.
i start work tumorrow.

oh and
buy the whey
emails fixed now

um. right. organic chemical at 12am does this to you.
work sucks! i can't believe the things my boss said to me today.
i cried 3 times today all for completely opposite reasons and
Mr. Symos said that the manager was right in attacking Cyndi's
parents last week.

i hate it when she does that.
i hate it when anyone doesn't take me seriously. even little things.
its just so, degrading. and you wonder why i never think the things
i say are important. or why i am so melodramatic, just to get
some attention. Fuck it sucks getting old.

oh my god, alex came over today to show me his new dog.
its so cute it hearts. We are DEFINITELY in love.

god, i havent really written here in soo long. nothing eventful
has happened though. i think my sister meet a guy who she likes [all
she says is "he's NICE"...the worst, most overused word
in the english language]...yeah, nothing to great with me though. ive been
getting really excited for work and the new year. i have so many 'resolutions'.
of which i will probably only achieve like, two. here's part of the
looonnnnggg list [work with me, i dont have it written anywhere...
just improvising] it starts with the most wanted that i can think
of now....

1. TO GAIN WAIT...this, of course, has been my one and
only most desired wish since...oh, i dont know, FOREVER!
2. get a friggin car already!...i no, the gas is pricey but we really need
one...my dad is just too damn picky [i guess that's where
i get that from]
3. have the most amazing birthday, ever. SEPTEMBER 11th, all the way!!
4. some how get tix to Burning Man-- sep 1st...see the urgency?
5. have a fantabulous first few weeks of work [sub-list: finish decorating
my boss--i don't even wanna know how]

now for the more extravagant-never-going-to-happen-
not-even-in-your-dreams list [my fave]:

6. meet Fiona Forbes...gawd, i love her!!!! [sub: her b-day is jan 12...isn't it
perfect?!?]
7. or rather, just snowboard with her ;)
8. get better on the slopes...see the dilemma?
9. meet hilary duff [get her CD--yesterday!!...metamorphosis, wtf?!? could
that get any more generic?! no offense.]
10. finish song sketches....arg!
11. be happy
12. be sucessful
13. be recognised
14. stop the injuries [i have way too many and they get in the way
of my life...ouch, pain now] but as they say: no pain, no gain...um, sure.
15. GET FATTER and stay that way!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is my ultimate goal in
life. i gain wait but then i dont stay there...its a bummmer.

okay, that's my list...there's more, but im not wanting to write them, so.
i forgot about alex! oh well. we will always be together.
oh, yeah, i wish i had so kind of writing talent. i wanna learn to swing a
pen. its not fair, whenever i see J she always has some new gig; a new
instrument that she's taught herself. i hate that. thats one of my
pet peeves; me being talentless while others have talent--actually,
that doesnt bother me so much as their bragging about it. arg.
other weird pet peeve: eyebrows. not that i dont want ANY, but when
they're all wrong. i guess that's a little superficial of me and i shouldn't
be so concerned with looks--you know, considering--but it still bothers
me to no end, i really should carry around a pair of tweezers, like that
woman from hilary duff's band.

luv christian.

sorry folks, the email is still busted.
the domain is renewed and we have a host
but the email is still BUSTED.

"nosmo's only 2345 miles from the snokkelammie"

happy valentine's day
and to all those "a kreber!"
buy now pook

the spiders are bad this year.
by bad i mean there are many of them
in the house,
which isn't fair.
big ones.
they may be hobo spiders.
that's what they seem to be.

my email (christian@******.net) still isn't working.
my last name@yahoo.com in the meantime.

do not register a domain with namesdirect.
it is hell.
faceless hell.

i am tempted to find another blog
and cut and paste into mine.
i'm tired.

its all so..
overwhelming.

i took a late ferry tonight and could see the fireworks
from way out on the georgia straight.
and mars was as bright as venus would usually be.
who would have thought?
a dog could be heard barking as we slipped beneath the waves.

last month i saw a screening of Tarkovsky's Stalker in a retrospective
at Vancouver's cinematheque.
it had long been my favourite film by him. i watched Nostalghia at the
same screening. i had seen it 2 or 3 times before but this time it has
supplanted Stalker as my favourite.

Hello out there in vacuumland,
my domain name expired and as a result i have not
received any of my email for over a week.
temporarily send email care of prohom@yahoo.com
my apologies and i will soon be in touch.
on a lighter note

its late july
and the snowbirds
flew overhead this afternoon
they graced the crowds with their presence.

somewhere, up in the sky
lies a great rabbit
with powerful legs and a thunderous thump
at times, when her paws are sore
she rubs them with onions brought to her
from deceased orphans and once crying children
these angels are rewarded with eternal happiness
and laughter as they eternally watch her ears
flap back and forth
like sails on a grand, old ship.

it is late
and the spiders are out
very small and crawling
on skin and wasted breath
they scatter quick and fearless
like butterflies without wings.

i fried an egg on the roof
of an old blue caprice today
and it worked!
it rolled a full quarter-mile
before drying in the sun
and stopped with a flat tire.

today i bought lucinda williams' new cd.
and one from swedish grindcore band nasum.

trying to come up with fake memories of buried treasure.
the chicken is in the oven.
bawk bawk.

olympiad, olympiad.
how can an artist sexualize the sky?
colonialism, colonialism.
is it possible to spit backwards?
space exploration,
the investigation of past or future?

if i had to pick a favourite poet
it would be william carlos williams.

tommorrow we unleash the lotus
leaves a blazing trail
of smoked oysters and coconut shells.

blasphemy!

i got to git something down.
i mean done.
same thing.

• • •

i have forgiven all my sins.

 
J @ 06:52 am on June 22, 2003
well what you just posted could have been a log entry.
crucial indeed!

christian @ 06:49 am on June 22, 2003
it will grow.
i have nothing to blog.
captains blog.

 J @ 06:48 am on June 22, 2003
duly noted kind sir.
i trust and value your opinion.
if it looks bad, i blame you.
and maybe bonnie - can't really blame betty.
now, go update your log so i can spy on you.

 christian @ 04:43 am on June 22, 2003
hey bonnie's hot.
she looks like you.
go for the bangs.

i love avocadoes
evidence of perfection in nature
make me regret not residing in climes
where they fall ripe to the garden lawn
in time for lunch.

* * *

i rated Cat Power's He War 5 stars in my music thingy.
its got to be one of the greatest rock songs written.

born to heal.
we are.
i recite this as i put yet anuther
hot teabag on my sty.
horrible.
sexy.
all the above.
if the compress is hot enough,
it turns my cornea white.
forever.

she walks into a yellow saloon
"can you tell me how to get to dryland,
so i can lay down and sleep?"

she don't know which way to sober
she doesn't know which way is over

she walks outside for a breath of fresh air
"behold" she gasps,
"there's flowers in the city streets and peoples sidewalks!"

she don't know which way to sober
she doesn't know which way is over
she can't decide where to sit on the sofa
to dream, dream, dream of The Irish Rovers

she lay's her hands on the shoulders
of a girl of five or six and tries to tell her
"listen to your friends, when you find a lover"

she don't know which way to sober
she doesn't know which way is over

somewhere in the sands of tome,
shifts a marionette,
head full of putty,
eyes coloured stone,
it casts a large silhouette,
broad, angular, arachnine,
on a pinhole plane,
and dreams,
dreary, terminal epitomes,
of what we thought destiny.

the weather here is very hot
unusual for Victoria this time of year
32 degrees!!
my grandparents new place is very hot
and that is not good
i hope they consider a small AC unit.
fresh local strawberries today!
my mother is refusing her supplements.

it is june first
and i am listening to deftones
i am in town for a few days
the place is a mess
cactus is blooming
that time of year

i have rented a guitar
it is green
and grows resonating
import and fret-buzz between
and with each
strum-uttered phrase
cycling down through spring night's
chirp-laden maze
it sings,
"take me home, country road"
and i think of spurning it.

today i am making kimchee
it has been five years

i have taken to preparing dal again
lately as well
and it turns out quite delicious and aromatic
and is as good if not better than at east is east.

an onion fell
and rolled down the hall
leaving its paper brown shavings
a trail of crackled laughter
they tear and trickle
up the woman's throat
as she races

still melting crystals
drop in quickening passage
begin to head home

stream
of
thought



* * *

wonderful!

a shout
out
and thanks to diddy.

moon sticks astronaughts used to eat

a post for the night.

someone is listening.
thank-you.

now, does anyone know where are
those moon sticks astronaughts used to eat?

could things be better?
sure.
but things could be worse.

just ants underfoot
conscious of an existance
they race to preserve

bliss below

i can't tell if its dawn or dusk
i have just woken up
and as i fall back deep asleep
will i ever wake up

and i am falling farther than my knees
it seems enough
and i pound my head into the floor
and there is abyss below

and as my hands reach the shore
body's beached to sigh no more
tonight the bell tolls beneath the wake
all is not lost

at first the dread i felt was just knee deep
so my kneeling has to cease
but as i breathe it in and out
it suffocates

and i've fallen further down than my knees
its never enough
i pound my head into the floor
bliss below

did i ever show you my best dream?
did i ever get close to belief?
didn't you used to be my best friend?
i can't remember can you help me now?
it had something to do with grief
but i liked it anyway

moon pulls a ribbon
of humble, distrustful clouds
makes black a warning

the bullrush-sliced air
blows past leaves refreshingly
disobey the sun

seers of coldness drop
loosened grip of frozen clouds
crystals of the sky

icing sugar dusts the streets
the city streets with kindness
melting the concerns

holy shit
letterman's sick
weird i was just reading an
old paperback biography
thanks sis
and he was talking about johnny's
days off and guest hosts
and i was thinking if
he'd be doing that soon
and that'd he'd retire someday
and how worrisome it was
when he fell ill
that new year

i tried to write something
last night
but the giant wouldn't let me
you see
everyone once in a while i like
to post a small poem
a unit of time
i was trying to raise my consciousness
the other day
breathing in ocean air
when a little fly flew in my nose
in public
i remember this happened to me once
hiking with my grandfather
he turned around and saw me
abash, which still stings a bit
picking my nose
and didn't believe my gestures
that it was a fly
we didn't speak the same language.

from now on i will
keep aware of the fire exits
at the next band i go see.

finally watched Stop Making Sense on DVD before
sending it to a cousin. great movie. great sounding too.

i have always had a crush on Tina Weymouth.
i have always had a thing for musicians.
i didn't know she sang.
actually i think she sings like Mary Timony.
always had a thing for her too.
had the pleasure to see her perform in the
old Zulu store once.

think of the sea-life
lying in the dark right now

i have decided to live a little
on the edge
vicariously
not like a vicar
when crossing one-way streets
i will only glance one-way
i will no longer look opposite
the pertinent direction

on some final day
when and if all remaining humanity slides
up this tunnel of light we keep hearing of
whatever that may be,
will there be something to replace us?
if god is within
will it be sliding up with us?
or will god be sliding unto itself?
and from where we slide from
be desolate and harsh?
uninhabitable.
ruined.
not by humans but by nature itself.
mind, if we cease to exist,
really, we have never existed.
except to whatever it may be that replaces us.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

thoughts and noses
and noses and bulbous ones
and thoughts and an
empty, empty head.

matthew broderick

catchphrase in a bottle
and send it out to sea
what may happen
be what be
sail it unto me..

lalala

someone's melted chickenlegs all down my host.

people at the bus stop top
their esteem with instinctive ticks
like small shrugs
each stare a unique direction
in different colours
a collective vision
of day-to-day necessity.

oh
crimea river

i ride a bicycle to work over and
on the sidewalk of a bridge
because if i ride on the road i have
to swerve to avoid shards of glass.
the police set up roadblocks on the opposite
end forcing dozens of liquor bottles out car windows.
i have had 3 flat tires there in the last 2 months.

i'm the weird guy with the good sense of humour yet
a bit too reclusive to trust his intent
i don't want to see my reflection in that stance again
no never want to see blood spilt anywhere again
Tropic of Cancer
and a glassy sideways glance
slip of the fingers
his hand's on your lap.

* * *

twas my boifday on sunday.

if i could do it all over again,
i might have to think about it first,
but i would do it all over again.

i have a renewed appreciation for the sky,
without one i think i would fall
and to my knees i would have to crawl
dizzy and all of the time
unable to get up
no different than any other reptile
or muti-purpose geek
with a big nose
dorsal-finned posture and elegiac smile
like that old, bald beast in the hobbit story,
slime my way past the other suits,
in the city there is no sky,
perhaps thats why these unhappy business
tied types all resemble grave, miserable flies
sitting in fattened archways
choking as they shake.

wrinkles aging ears
pretending it's beauty
lying in wisdom

* * *

time destroys everything.
that's from Irréversible.

in in ten or ten-and-a-half hours
it will be one full week to the day
of one of the most dreadful days
of my life so far.

and one day at a time i pray.
i think its all i can really do.
she knows we love her.

i really don't feel
like going back to work.
that is an understatement.
i digress.