think of the sea-life
lying in the dark right now

i have decided to live a little
on the edge
vicariously
not like a vicar
when crossing one-way streets
i will only glance one-way
i will no longer look opposite
the pertinent direction

on some final day
when and if all remaining humanity slides
up this tunnel of light we keep hearing of
whatever that may be,
will there be something to replace us?
if god is within
will it be sliding up with us?
or will god be sliding unto itself?
and from where we slide from
be desolate and harsh?
uninhabitable.
ruined.
not by humans but by nature itself.
mind, if we cease to exist,
really, we have never existed.
except to whatever it may be that replaces us.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

thoughts and noses
and noses and bulbous ones
and thoughts and an
empty, empty head.

matthew broderick

catchphrase in a bottle
and send it out to sea
what may happen
be what be
sail it unto me..

lalala

someone's melted chickenlegs all down my host.

people at the bus stop top
their esteem with instinctive ticks
like small shrugs
each stare a unique direction
in different colours
a collective vision
of day-to-day necessity.

oh
crimea river

i ride a bicycle to work over and
on the sidewalk of a bridge
because if i ride on the road i have
to swerve to avoid shards of glass.
the police set up roadblocks on the opposite
end forcing dozens of liquor bottles out car windows.
i have had 3 flat tires there in the last 2 months.

i'm the weird guy with the good sense of humour yet
a bit too reclusive to trust his intent
i don't want to see my reflection in that stance again
no never want to see blood spilt anywhere again
Tropic of Cancer
and a glassy sideways glance
slip of the fingers
his hand's on your lap.

* * *

twas my boifday on sunday.

if i could do it all over again,
i might have to think about it first,
but i would do it all over again.

i have a renewed appreciation for the sky,
without one i think i would fall
and to my knees i would have to crawl
dizzy and all of the time
unable to get up
no different than any other reptile
or muti-purpose geek
with a big nose
dorsal-finned posture and elegiac smile
like that old, bald beast in the hobbit story,
slime my way past the other suits,
in the city there is no sky,
perhaps thats why these unhappy business
tied types all resemble grave, miserable flies
sitting in fattened archways
choking as they shake.

wrinkles aging ears
pretending it's beauty
lying in wisdom

* * *

time destroys everything.
that's from Irréversible.

in in ten or ten-and-a-half hours
it will be one full week to the day
of one of the most dreadful days
of my life so far.

and one day at a time i pray.
i think its all i can really do.
she knows we love her.

i really don't feel
like going back to work.
that is an understatement.
i digress.

it may seem i ramble on about
trivial matters,
but no matter what happens,
life will always make no sense to me.

i am not being negative.
there is beauty in life.
but i admit if i am not waking up now,
it will happen in a matter of days.

my mother is not well.
this is the most important issue in my life.
one's mother's well-being should always
be this though.

one day i will wake up.

hey vacuum land!
this is an open call.

• • •

i always have maintained that my
favourite food is fondue.
i am not really fond of a cheese fondue.
however i love a raclette.

it is a pity that there isn't a more dignified
word for cheese in English.

also, i am not crazy about chocolate fondue.

fondue is more of a culinary novelty than
a delicacy. but it elicits an excitement in
me so that is why i call it my favourite dish.

• • •

water started dripping from my bathroom fan.
luckily i am home and was able to put a bucket
underneath it.
could this be the cause of my mysterious
soaking wet bathroom carpets i have come
home to a coppola times in the past few months?

i went upstairs to inquire if there had been a
spill or something. it is late but i heard movement.
met my new neighbour.
i think he said his name is Michael.
this entry could help me remember his name.

• • •

saw a wonderful Swiss film last night
called "The Frozen Heart" by Xavier Koller.
it was set in the winter alps of switzerland.
so beautiful.

• • •

so not to disturb
the silent night and sleeping
snowman they fly on

• • •

as i age my vocabulary weakens
and can't find the words i want
to make images like those i tried
in the entry below.

and as time goes on what i see
is less composed of images
than objects that exist outside my
sphere of giving a shit about them.

everything seems forced.

• • •

i have forgiven all my sins.

snow's back and i'm melting
and every morning we rise

and every morning we rise
the road and all paths still point north

brittle web-like remains of leaves
whisk along the grey roads

permafrost buildings and vapour trails
behind cars and peoples voices
like horses


watershed makes canyon walls damp
treacherous lichens grow
wind front is brushing your forehead

later.
...bedtime.

i dreamt with burning sensations in my sinus
last night and awoke this morning at seven
to an apartment filled with smoke. i had placed
my breadboard on a stovetop element which
must have been turned on for days as i have not
used my stove for awhile. there was a hole
burnt through the thick board revealing part
of the glowing panel of ember on its underside.
it was serene and magical in the dark of winter
morning. i was mesmerised, too lazy to move.
staring into a campfire on a summer night.
waiting for the smoke to switch direction and
cease its path to my nostrils.
i smell like woodstove today at work.
my place and everything in it smells the same.
i was going to save the stinking thing to
photograph tonight but realised there was
no good point in that or having a visual
reminder of my neglect and stupidity.
this entry should be enough.
i am grateful to be alive.

it is less quiet in the city
and the rain runs thicker
and it seems that where there is
smaller concentrations of people
there is less distrust.

when i leave where i live
to calmer shores
that distant rumble in my ear intensifies.

could this mean i need to move to larger
and more impersonal cities to stay sane?

am i not on a holiday?
at least until the morning?